Mr. Right isn’t available so just settle for Mr. Good Enough

J-Lo and Mr. Good Enough

I usually blog about subjects related to the Communications/PR Industry, but I came across a great article (by Sarah Thompson) that appeared in yesterday’s Globe and Mail that I had to write about.

I’m 22-years-old and marriage is at the bottom of my list of to-do’s within the next five years.

For some of my friends and co-workers, however, that is not the case.

Some will be walking down the aisle in a month or so while others are frustrated because they haven’t met Mr. Right.

My single friends have pretty high standards and are very particular about what characteristics  Mr. Right should have.

In the article, Reva Seth (author of First Comes Marriage, Modern Relationship Adive from the Wisdom of Arranged Marriages) says:

Women should seek the inverse of what Hollywood and the culture in general dictate they should expect. Don’t look for connection or expect to feel something the moment you lock eyes. That’s sexual checmistry, which fades over time. Look for shared values, even if that comes in a guy who is 5 foot 4 and suffers from halitosis.

Women, do you agree?

Should the phrase ‘tall, dark and handsome’ be deleted and replaced by ‘family-oriented, ambitious and average-looking’?

One of my friends put off dating a guy who was head over heels for her because she was waiting on something ‘better’ to come along. Unfortunately, the person she thought was a ‘better’ fit turned out to be a dud because the had nothing in common – other than the fact that they found each other physcially attractive.

She ended up with the guy who had been waiting around for her because they shared the same goals, beliefe and values – and he is pretty good guy.
She settled for her Mr. Good Enough.

I just think it’s an interesting way to look at the dating world and an interesting way to pick your mate.

Ladies, your Knight in Shining Armour may have stopped to pick up another damsel SO don’t hesitate to joust with the jester.

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4 Comments »

  1. I don’t think I have high standards–just specific ones. I’m not attracted to what most girls are attracted to (as over-generalizing as that is). I’m also all about finding someone who is into the same things I am… that just almost never happens. Haha.

    Good post, Mare.

  2. Nice response, Rayanne. I agree, in terms of placing compatibility at the top of the list. (Hence, my notoriously single status.)

    “Should the phrase ‘tall, dark and handsome’ be deleted and replaced by ‘family-oriented, ambitious and average-looking’?”

    If that’s what’s important to you, then YES! Approaching my quarter-centyry birthday, I’m realizing that the hardest part is trying to articulate what exactly I want in a companion.

    That said, I’m sure that the answer will be obvious in the end.

  3. Mr. Right said

    The desire for ‘Chemistry’ is a female curse. It equates to ‘instinctive attraction’ where ‘instinct’ is the problem. When instinct is in full flow, the intellect is effectively shut off.

    Tall, dark and handsome are physical traits for breeding – nothing more. A woman’s physiology (and instinctive programming) fires up when she sees such a man and then she feels chemistry as a reward for being around him. There’s no denying its a pleasurable senation so the emotionally driven woman buys into it hook, line and sinker. However, whilst in the rapture of chemistry her analytical judgement (intellect) shuts down making her oblivious to the guys shortfalls in terms of what she desires from a long term partner.

    Thus for weeks (or possibly months) she walks on air whilst around this guy, investing her time, body and emotions into connecting with him. Then as the chemistry wanes her intellect re-awakens bringing to her attention all the guys shortfalls in terms of being a suitable long term partner. Now she begins trying to salvage things by changing him into what she wanted in the first place. This tends to irritate guys and conflict arisies. Often a guy will simply leave rather than stick around to be ‘changed’ by a woman.

    So in essence ‘chemistry’ and ‘instinctive attraction’ are outdated mechanisms (by about 40,000 years or so). If you want to breed – then use chemistry to select a guy with good genetics. If you want a long term partner that’ll make you happy, leave chemistry and instinctive attraction out of your selection process. You simply have to go for character traits such as assertiveness, confidence, humour, generosity, understanding, intelligence, drive, etc, if you are to find a suitable long term partner.

    I hope this is useful to you.

    Best wishes,

    Adam.

  4. Kristen Zemlak said

    Well said, Adam. I think you hit the nail on the head.

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